things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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