dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
