Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
