My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I could make wine with my vomit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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