Barsexuality is the new black.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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