I want to have your abortion
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize