non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
