There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
