Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
