I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
