So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
