There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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