Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
