I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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