smell my finger.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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