you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
