I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
