guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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