I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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