I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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