My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
