Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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