So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
