so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
