Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
