I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
