He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
