Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My life is pants optional.
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