i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's the barista slut.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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