I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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