I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
