I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone came in the potted fern
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
