I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
