It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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