How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
