I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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