just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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