would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
