I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
