he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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