Ambien. No doubt about it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
