How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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