If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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