absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
