Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
