I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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