Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
