I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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