I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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