im six kinds of drunk right now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
