After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How many fucks given?
0.12846
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we should paint friendship bongs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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