Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
