You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
