K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
