Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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