A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
