I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
3pm strippers are depressing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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