i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can't turn off my feet"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
