That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
