week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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