I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
