my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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