I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
