I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
