I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
