plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
