youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
