Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
