You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
