So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
