He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
