I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
